How Are You
(Or: Why You’re Not Getting Replies, Quality Escort Encounters, or That Damn Printer)
Imagine you’re in a Best Buy.
You’re there to buy a camera, a printer, a TV — something electronic, something shiny, something you’re hoping to leave with today. Maybe you even did your homework. Checked the website. Found the item. Memorized the model number like a good little consumer.
Or maybe you're confused. Dazed. Drowning in decision fatigue. You're hoping some tech-savvy angel in a blue polo can help you pick the perfect laptop, the right phone, or the TV that won’t make your football party look like a soap opera.
But today? No angels in sight.
Instead of being pounced on the moment you enter (you know, like every other time), today feels like a ghost town. The visible sales associates are already helping someone else, and the ones who aren’t? They're stuck behind the phone counter, clearly not your people. You’re on your own.
And you weren’t planning to spend your entire Saturday roaming the aisles of Best Buy, wondering if you should just settle for whatever’s on the endcap.
So you improvise.
You approach a random salesperson. Maybe they’re mid-convo with another customer. Maybe they’re from a completely different department. You try to make eye contact — or not — and instead of saying anything helpful, you walk up, lean in way too close and whisper:
"Hey."
Then you walk away.
Creepy?
Yeah.
Effective?
Not even a little.
So you try again. This time with:
"How are you?"
But still no eye contact. Still walking. Still giving nothing.
What are they supposed to say?
"Fine, thanks"?
Launch into a full TED Talk about their physical and emotional well-being?
And more importantly:
How does this help you buy your printer??
Let’s say you try again — level up to:
"Can you help me with a store item?"
Hey, now we’re getting somewhere.
Except… no, we’re not.
Even if this salesperson had a clone and no other customers to help, what “item” are we talking about?
Is it something you bought and are here to pick up? Something you want to buy but can’t find? Is it locked up? Does it need a key? Is it a printer, a phone, or a washing machine? Are you just comparison shopping before your cousin's wedding in June?
They don’t know. And you didn’t say.
Now pause that scene.
Because here’s the punchline:
You do this exact same thing every time you send a message like:
-
“Hey.”
-
“How are you?”
-
“You there?”
-
“Are you available?”
With zero context. No question. No timeline. No point.
You’re not starting a conversation. You’re standing in the aisle of digital communication, muttering vague pleasantries and expecting someone to chase you for clarification.
Spoiler: I won’t. And I shouldn’t.
Want Something? Say Something Helpful.
You don’t know when someone’s going to see your message — it could be five minutes, five hours, or five days. And if you actually want something, or need a real answer, then be respectful of everyone’s time — INCLUDING YOUR OWN— and say what you came to say.
So back to Best Buy.
If you insist on starting with “Hey” or “How are you?” at the very least, follow it up with something like:
“I saw this 42” Sony TV online and noticed it’s on sale. Do you have it in stock? Will it fit on my wall? I’m hosting a Super Bowl party and want the best view from every angle.”
BOOM.
Now we’ve got something to work with.
That associate can help you. Or they’ll say,
“Let me grab someone from TVs, and I’ll fill them in so you don’t have to repeat yourself.”
And your life just got 10x easier.
Flip the Script: Now You’re the Salesperson
Now imagine you’re the blue-polo’d, overworked, under-caffeinated Best Buy employee.
Today, 58 customers shuffle past you and mumble:
“How are you?”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Are you available?”
No eye contact. No clarity. No actual question.
So whom do you help?
Who’s urgent vs. casual?
Who’s here for pickup vs. price-matching vs. needing a full consultation?
Who can be helped in 3 minutes, and who will eat your entire lunch break?
Now apply that logic to every text, email, or Slack DM you send.
They say Gen Z has lost the art of communication and critical thinking. I think it has infected the other generations as well and we have just gotten stupider as a nation. But that is a rabbit hole to go down in another blog post.
Anyway, in all of this "communication and ciritical thinking crisis" here’s the twist:
In a world where AI is replacing jobs and reshaping industries — the ability to ask a clear, thoughtful, detailed question is now a power skill ... that has been on the decline long before COVID. According to research, only 45.2 percent of Americans in 2012 had this skill. 2017? 41.5 percent. 2022? That dropped to a whopping 37.6 percent. Ever since the No Child Left Behind Act signed by President Bush in 2002, the United States has been on the decline intellectually.
It would be easy enough to blame this decline on people reading less (and, presumably, scrolling online brainrot more). But according to 2023 results from the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development, the same international consortium that puts out the PISA survey, 34 percent of adults in the United States scored at the lowest levels of numeracy, meaning - they lack the ability to work with numbers. This is a HUGE change (in the wrong direction) from the prior year when just 29 percent of people were too dumb to calculate a tip without whispering to their phone like it’s the SATs.
If you want ChatGPT (or your manager, or your mom) to NOT treat you like a LinkedIn cold pitch from someone “building the future of synergy,” you need more than a “Hey.”
You need:
✅ Complete sentences
✅ Relevant info
✅ A clear ask
Want good answers? Ask better questions.
Otherwise, you’re just whispering into the void.
And hoping someone follows you down the aisle.
You're begging to be dissapointed.