“You have five fingers for a reason.”


As I don't have a receptionist to manage phone calls, it's most effective to reach out to me via TEXT or EMAIL for information and booking inquiries. Please include the following details in your message: Your Name, Age, Height, whether you're a Local or Visitor, the Date and Time you're interested in, the Length of the requested appointment, how you discovered my services, and perhaps something interesting about yourself since you already know a bit about me.

Please keep in mind that my schedule fills up quickly, and I'm selective about whom I choose to spend time with. Plus, I hold a Master's degree in Psychology, so your communication style can reveal more about our compatibility than a picture of your bank account. :-)

hopefully, you're smarter than a 5th Grader?

  • Using explicit or inappropriate language is about as effective as using crayons instead of a #2 pencil on a standardized test. :-)
  • If your initial text says "Hey" or "Hi" and nothing else, I will assume you are on the Telegram Texting Plan and are being charged by the word. So I will either not respond, or respond with a text the length of Killers of the Flower Moon / Oppenheimer that has just as much substance as your text. Which one occurs depends on the mood I happen to be in when I read your message.
  • If your initial text says "How R U" and nothing else of substance, upon the advice of my lawyer, I abstain from answering that question.